I don’t know about you, but I love writing. However, when it comes to writing about myself…well, there’s a problem to be sure. I have started many a “diary/journal” over the years, and while I have occasionally been faithful about writing in them, mostly it just ends up in some dark corner, or with the written pages ripped out. And ultimate reason of this abandonment and/or destruction of a journal isn’t because of some dark life secret, or controversy that just “can’t” get out, it is simply this: It doesn’t sound like something others want to hear.
Crazy, I know, but whenever I write about ME, about MY life…I feel like if I don’t word it carefully enough, or if my day wasn’t interesting enough, no one will want to read it. “But…isn’t that what diaries are for? To NOT be read by other people?” You might ask….and yes, that (in most cases) is very true, but it is a downfall that I have. I am a perfectionist, I want things to be perfect. From what I wear, to the things I do, to the words I say, and the words I write. And if I feel they’re less-than-perfect…well, “they just aren’t good enough”, so I give up and walk away from it.
Recently, my emotional and mental life have gone in a downward spiral, because of this state of constantly judging myself, constantly nit-picking every little thing that I do, trying so very hard to be perfect, and to be honest…I can’t do it anymore. It’s exhausting, and I’m exhausted. I am a “people pleaser” I want to make people happy, and constantly “please” them. This has its downsides in that we are to please God, and not man.
“Am I now trying to win the favor and approval of men, or of God? Or am I seeking to please someone? If I were still trying to be popular with men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.”
Amplified Bible (AMP)
So, this blog, and the two journals I have started (one being a prayer journal, the other being a personal journal), I now solemnly dedicate to: Hayley Sierra Sadowski…myself. I write to free my soul, I write to show my love for my Messiah, I write to catalogue the journey…the “Sojourney” of my life, and my Quest for Eden.
Whew, now that’s out of the way, we can continue!
Here is a verse I have found about living for Christ, and living your life as He created us to live:
Romans 12:2 – And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
King James Version (KJV)
On Romans 12:2, I believe that one of the best things we can do for ourselves, to love ourselves and consequently respect ourselves, is to RENEW OUR MIND. For me, renewing my mind encompasses such things as:
- Spending quality time in the Scriptures
- Listening to radio sermons with my Mother
- Prayer journaling (writing letters to God)
- Praying out loud to Christ
- Listening to Christian music stations such as K-Love or Air1
- Taking walks in nature while praising the Lord for His glorious creation.
You can do so many more things than this, and I admit there are times where doing those things are very, very hard. Do you know why? Because we are not pleasing our flesh, we are pleasing our Spirit. And that makes things very uncomfortable for our flesh and our earthly desires, and our sense of self righteousness. We have no righteousness, save what Christ has done for us at Calvary. HE IS OUR RIGHTEOUSNESS, so let us live for HIM, let us be transformed by the renewing of our mind, always, in our love for him.
Because the end goal of this, is that we will be able to accurately judge the things of this world, as to whether or not they are of Christ, or of Man. It is a never ending struggle, and journey for me to do this, and I pray we can encourage one another in this, and in all life’s struggles. If you truly seek to be one with Christ Jesus, to be as one mind, heart, and soul with Him…that, my dears is as close to perfection on earth as we can reach. OF COURSE we will slip up sometimes, OF COURSE we may fall flat on our face and be so bruised and battered that it seems hopeless…but it isn’t.
13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
New King James Version (NKJV)
So if we can do all things through Christ, who makes us strong enough to do them according to His will….then we truly can do this task that is set before us.